Saturday morning came early. I don't think I slept very much, if any, the night before. Friday, I had gone to the doctor and had a procedure done in the hopes that I wouldn't have to spend a night in the hospital. I will spare you details. I was also given two pills, one to take before I went to bed that night and the other to take Saturday morning when I woke up. These were supposed to "speed things up". I was given a prescription for two different types of pain killers for before and after the delivery. There was some sort of mix up at the pharmacy and I didn't get them Friday night. I was told that what I would experience would be comparable to a period with cramps and bleeding. That was an understatement. It felt much more like early labor and I was extremely unprepared.
Before we went to bed Friday night, Eric and I wanted to name our baby. We didn't know if we would be able to find out if it was a boy or a girl so we decided on a name that could go either way, Kolbe. It could be a girl's name (think Colbie Caillat) but it is primarily a boys name (if Clare had been a boy she would have been Kolbe). It wasn't a "throw away" name and that was important to me. We also decided that if we couldn't find out the gender we would give him a middle initial-A. Our girls both have middle names that start with an A, so we wanted this baby to share the middle name initial.
At 4am the girls woke up and, even though I was already awake, I had to get Eric up to get them back to sleep. The pain would not let me walk upright. After the girls went back to sleep, we decided to just go on into the hospital so I could get something stronger than Tylenol. We had the freedom to go early because our friend Amy was staying the night to take care of the girls.
Once we arrived at the labor and delivery wing of the hospital, we went to the front desk to explain why we were there. Thankfully my doctor had already been by to explain to them who I was and what medications I could have.
I got settled and I was able to sleep a little. Then the day shift nurse came in to relieve the night shift nurse. As Eric mentioned, one of our fears was that Kolbe would not be treated with respect. Our nurse Jamie was an answer to many, many prayers. I found out later that whenever they have a patient who is in a similar situation as ours, she is their nurse. She is so good at what she does and I am still amazed at the kindness that she showed us on that day.
I was only supposed to be given pain medicine about every 2 hours, but after 1 hour I would ask for more. Once my Doctor came in, she OK’d me having it as often as I needed it. The morning was very low-key. I didn't need to dilate to the full 10 centimeters since Kolbe was not going to be that big. I only needed to dilate to about a 4. Jamie left Eric and I alone and only came running upon our request. My Doctor had been in and out, but needed to leave to go somewhere. She told me that they were pretty much waiting on me, and that whenever I felt the need to push, it would be time. I put it off for a long time. I just felt like once I pushed, it was over. He wouldn't be with me anymore.
I finally buzzed Jamie in and told her that I felt that I was ready to push. She asked me if I wanted some more medicine and I told her that I didn't. The medicine they had me on kinda had me off in another world and I wanted to be present when Kolbe was born. It only took a couple of pushes before Kolbe was born. Silent. There was no first cry. I hadn't thought about that. As soon as he was out I just started crying, and so did Eric.
Before Jamie wrapped him up in a blanket, she peeked to see if he was a boy or a girl. When she told us "It's a boy" we cried even more. She handed him to me and I was so surprised. He was so perfect. Every single feature of his face perfectly formed. Tiny eyes and ears with their folds. Cutest little nose and the same jaw line as Maggie. Then there was his mouth. It was open forming a perfect O. I just remember thinking was he crying? Did he die crying and I didn't know it? At that point I think I was sobbing and I just had to hand him back to Jamie. Eric was too upset to hold him. I regret that I didn't hold him longer. I felt that I was just so unprepared…
Kolbe Alexander Dietel
August 11. 2012